Friday, 24 December 2010

The Future is Now...

Well, it's been exactly a month since my last post. In some ways, it's felt a bit longer than that, but anyway, let's get into it, shall we?

Lately, I've been having a pretty good time. I'm actually beginning to find myself and my inner strength again. I was going through a very hard time, but through sheer determination and motivation, I pulled myself out of my dark hole. I will not be defeated, I've come close to death and life saw fit to grace me with yet another opportunity. I had to find it in me to pull myself out of my condition and really take control of my life - my destiny.

I won't sit here and say that I did it all by myself - I didn't. I had some help from a very good friend of mine, a person who as far as I can tell seems to fall in love for girly, younger guys...;)

But seriously, this person may be one of the few people who genuinely gives a shit about me at this point in my life, and you know what? I'm absolutely fine with that. It's what we do in this life that define who we are, not how many friends we have. I'd rather have a handful of really close friends I can trust than a whole lot who I can't.

Now, I've never really been close to my family and as of the last 18 months or so, things with them really took a turn for the worse. For this reason, I wasn't going to spend my Christmas with them this year. I was going to be alone in my flat likely watching films or playing guitar, which isn't exactly a bad way to spend an evening, but yeah, Christmas was supposed to be just another day for me this year. That is, until...

On Wednesday 22nd, completely randomly and out of the blue, my friend messaged me and asked me if I'd like to spend Christmas Eve with her and her father who had travelled down from Germany to see her. I was pretty shocked, touched and at the same time, grateful. It was likely one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. The fact she took the time of the day to remember that I wasn't going to be doing anything and to offer so graciously to have me spend it with her and her father was pretty touching.

I got there and had a great evening. I got to taste some of her Dad's fine Polish/German cooking. I was pretty amazed, the food was ridiculously tasty, and there was alot of it. I couldn't even finish what was on my plate. Her Dad was a friendly, sweet guy with a great sense of humour and although he didn't speak any English, I still enjoyed my time with him.

My friend has had her differences with him in the past and there may be a little bit of resentment on her side a little bit, but they seemed to be getting on just fine and it was really lovely seeing the 2 of them interact. All in all, I had a great time and definitely the 2nd highlight of my year. The first being to finally meet and tell my idols/heroes how much they mean to me earlier this week. More about that on my next post.

Ultimately, my message for today is, be true to yourself, be loyal to those you care about, respect and love your friends and try to make each day count. Life is short, don't waste it.

Happy holidays!

Thursday, 25 November 2010

Strange days...

I often think about the impact and the meaning which my life will ultimately have on the people around me, and the world I live in.

I guess when it comes down to it, we all wish to be remembered by those we care for, but I'm thinking of long term rememberance. What does one do to ensure a life worth remembering and worth talking about for the years to come? Do we simply choose the Che Guevarra path? the Adolf Hitler path? Gandhi? Dalai Lama?

I'm thinking beyond that tonight. How is it that we come to remember the Gods of old? Thor? Odin? Zeus? Poseidon?

I understand that they're mainly stories that have been told through the ages. Whether they may be of Greek origin or of Norse origin, we still know the names, and we still hear about the tales.

A thousand years from now, will anybody be talking the same way about Che? Hitler? it's interesting to think about this. If we think of the world as a one dimensional, astral plane where nothing extraordinary or 'magical' for lack of a better word can ever exist, then what's to say that if the Gods of old DID infact exist, who's to say that they weren't simply ordinary human beings who are only remembered by their huge accomplishments?

I find this fascinating to think about. The same applies to Jesus Christ. I struggle to understand why people believe his story so passionately and so strongly, yet, they dismiss the Gods of old as simply 'bed time stories'.

I understand that some people need to believe in something to be able to cope with their everyday lives. Some people are afraid that they may infact be alone in this world. What if there is no God? no purpose? no destiny? It shouldn't matter because life should be exactly what you make of it.

What if we're just supposed to exist and make the best of our lives? Too much time is wasted by preaching religion to those who don't need or want it. I find it strange that so much conflict and confusion is caused by those who believe their God is superior to others'. I wonder what the world would be like without religion. Would it be a better place? or would something equally as controversial exist in it's place?

Anyways, religion rant over. Just getting the thoughts down.

I've made a start on all the work which I should be getting on with. It's keeping me busy. Keeping my mind off of certain things. I'm on a path to improve my life, to change my world and prove that I have what it takes to reach my goals.

Dealing with a lost relationship isn't easy. I still find myself drifting to those darker areas and I know I shouldn't. My mood keeps drastically changing from up to down and there's very little I can do about it.

I don't feel like writing anything more down. I don't really feel like myself right now.